Lakes of Knives and Lectures in Book Form

Hi-concept

I'm re-reading Ringworld by Larry Niven for the first time since high school. The ideas shine, but his characters lecture for pages at a time, obviously serving as mouthpieces for the Big Concepts. Granted he wrote this book over forty years ago & was a relatively inexperienced writer at the time, but that doesn't make things like a 3-page monologue about luck as a selectively-bred trait any less interminable. But, like any classic, the strengths overwhelm the weaknesses. Give it a try.

(Side note: the Halo video games are an UTTER SHAMELESS RIPOFF of the Ringworld concept. Shame on you, Bungee! Thieving button-mashers! Shame!)

Cost-prohibitive

I'm grinding out a final draft of The Dulcet Constellation and getting sick of the damn thing. But that's okay--a little derision for your own work makes you a more objective self-editor, I suppose. Also working on a cover, and seem to have hit a wall when it comes to my own design skills. I would love to hire Daniel Egneus for the job, but a) he lives in Italy, and b) it would probably cost a year's salary to even get him interested.

Actual size

Speaking of design, I just finished a book cover for my friend Jonathan Curwen. He wrote a super-weird, violent, and bizarrely emotional horror novel called Knife Lake (the title of which I also suggested--you're welcome, Cur). It's gonna be out within a month or so on Smashwords. He can tell you more about it on his blog, when he decides to actually write a coherent post.

Five-star

In designing Cur's cover, I took some advice from Robert Swartwood and made the author's name and title big enough to be visible in a thumbnail. Ebook covers are a different game: people aren't picking up a physical object--they're looking at a few pixels on the screen. So bigger is better, until proven otherwise. The design of my own cover for The Rifle Carousel went through a few iterations before this concept sank in. (By the way, Carousel just got its first five-star review from someone I didn't bribe.)

On the literary front...reading Knife Lake got me to wantin' to write some old-fashioned horror again. Perhaps sometime in the near future, I'll sit down and bang out a novel in a couple of weeks, like Michael Moorcock did in his pulp days. I've got this idea about a troll w/infinite powers of physical regeneration becoming an underground performance artist...or perhaps something less risky, like a softcore Twilight-esque adolescent vampire romance. It would probably sell better, God knows.

Because You Are All So Very Special...

Starting right now until June 4, you can download The Rifle Carousel: Hint Fictions for FREE at smashwords.com. 

It's wicked easy, chum: 

• Click here: smashwords.com, or go to smashwords.com and search for Samuel Rippey.
• Add my book to your shopping cart.
• During the checkout process, they'll ask for a coupon code. Enter this: EF26H (not case-sensitive)
• Download Rifle Carousel for FREE. 

It's available in every ebook format imaginable, so you're sure to find one that best suits your computer/e-reader/cybernetic retinal implants. 

Share the coupon code with anyone you'd like. And if you like the book, please spread the word. In return I'll give you a long, awkward hand massage with lots of eye contact. 

Remember, this is only good 'til June 4, so get to downloadin'!

A Sampling

A handful of stories from my book The Rifle Carousel: Hint Fictions. 

Inlaw Apartment
When our tenant Mr. Sully died, we painted the walls white. Looked great. Next morning they were black.

Three Caskets
Two for the dog, one for her. She wanted four but I kept the goat alive.

My Only Notes on the Investigation
After touching the ghost, three of us ended up in the hospital. Jerome and Janis, who were married, died.

Spaghetti and Meatball Night at the Bigamist's Trailer
Before dessert, each of the three Mrs. Pfizers had tried to hold my hand under the table.

The entire e-book is now available for 99 cents on bn.com, smashwords, and ibooks. Fifty stories, all told in twenty-five words or fewer. Give it a download, and when we next meet I'll autograph some part of your anatomy. Or if I'm feeling particularly expansive, buy you a Jones blue bubblegum soda.

Hope you enjoy it. The book, I mean, not the soda.

Pharoah's Marrow vs. Clarence Darrow

The best way to get good ideas is to have a lot of ideas. 

I keep notebooks. Writing everything down--good bad or indifferent--is the best way to sift decent story ideas from the garbage. And boy howdy, is there a lot of garbage. 

In the spirit of generous sharing, here are some horrible ideas culled from a decade's worth of notes. For historical accuracy I've retained all bad punctuation, unnecessary caps, unclear syntax, etc. 

• Ferret in walls--albino and urine-stinking--grows to size of puppy and humps people in the night
• Pen that attaches to your TEETH. Write with your TEETH. 
• Very smart pigs get their revenge on the monotheisms
• This one guy's spit doesn't foam anymore. Then his spittle turns blue, then purple, then red. 
• The number seven-thousand can no longer be used for any reason. Becomes as unlucky as the number thirteen. WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES OF THIS DICTUM?
• Pinky finger fused into palm--palm tree?
• "My legs have turned into beards!" says awesomely stupid man
• Jellyfish vs. teddy bears....Jellyfish use brooms 4 weapons...they only fear peanut butter and bread
• Monster's head looks like a small tomato wearing sunglasses
• "Pharoah's Marrow vs. Clarence Darrow"
• Kid inadvertently kills a 2 1/2 inch tall man with his yo-yo. The other 2 1/2 inch men worship him as a god. Kid is only 8 years old. 
• Guy uses art therapy. Finds out he's pathologically afraid of COWS

"My Tern Now Your Tern Later"

My favorite book is The Course of the Heart by M. John Harrison, but Riddley Walker is a close second. I'm re-reading it for the nth time and still finding new things. You should read it, too. 

The Rifle Carousel

My ebook, The Rifle Carousel: Fifty Hint Fictions is finally available! Download it from smashwords for a wicked cheap 99 cents. For fomatting reasons, I'd recommend reading it on PDF.

It's fifty stories, all in twenty-five words or fewer. My favorites are "Spaghetti and Meatball Night at the Bigamist's Trailer" and "I'll Follow You Across the World Like a Puppy Through All of Your Lifetimes." I hope you find a few that speak to you.

As always, you can contact me here, on facebook, twitter, or email (samuelrippey@gmail.com). I'm anxious to hear your thoughts--good, bad, or indifferent.

On to the next one...

New Title. Different Cover. Same Machine Guns.

My hint fiction book, despite delays, is almost ready to go live. 


After considering some wise advice, I've changed the title from Unclear! to The Rifle Carousel: Hint Fictions. The first title was meant as a kind of private joke, but it would undoubtedly give readers the wrong impression. Thanks to Robert Swartwood and my amazing wife for their very useful input. 


I also redesigned the cover. Took less work than I thought--always good. The new image is bleaker, yet contains fewer AK-47s. For some stupid reason I can't post it here, but will on my facebook page. 


If anyone reading this is interested in receiving an advance copy at no charge, email me at samuelrippey@gmail.com. In return, I'd ask that you write a short review at amazon, bn.com, smashwords, at your blog, or web venue of your choice sometime after the book goes live (I'll let you know when it does). 


Doesn't need to be long and involved--just a few sentences is fine.  I'm not afraid of honest criticism, so if it's not a five-star title, please don't be afraid to say so. I'm just honored that you'd read my stuff in the first place. If you like it, please spread the word to your friends/family/sentient livestock/etc. 


As a tease, here's the title story:


The Rifle Carousel
Every night: AK-47s, saddles on their breeches, gilt hooves for grips. Father Nemerow thinks it's a swords-into-plowshares dream. I know better.