Saturday, May 28, 2011

Because You Are All So Very Special...

Starting right now until June 4, you can download The Rifle Carousel: Hint Fictions for FREE at 

It's wicked easy, chum: 
  • Click here:, or go to and search for Samuel Rippey.
  • Add my book to your shopping cart.
  • During the checkout process, they'll ask for a coupon code. Enter this: EF26H (not case-sensitive)
  • Download Rifle Carousel for FREE. 
It's available in every ebook format imaginable, so you're sure to find one that best suits your computer/e-reader/cybernetic retinal implants. 

Share the coupon code with anyone you'd like. And if you like the book, please spread the word. In return I'll give you a long, awkward hand massage with lots of eye contact. 

Remember, this is only good 'til June 4, so get to downloadin'!

Monday, May 23, 2011

A Sampling

A handful of stories from my book The Rifle Carousel: Hint Fictions. 

Inlaw Apartment
When our tenant Mr. Sully died, we painted the walls white. Looked great. Next morning they were black.

Three Caskets
Two for the dog, one for her. She wanted four but I kept the goat alive.

My Only Notes on the Investigation
After touching the ghost, three of us ended up in the hospital. Jerome and Janis, who were married, died.

Spaghetti and Meatball Night at the Bigamist's Trailer
Before dessert, each of the three Mrs. Pfizers had tried to hold my hand under the table.

The entire e-book is now available for 99 cents on bn.comsmashwords, and ibooks. Fifty stories, all told in twenty-five words or fewer. Give it a download, and when we next meet I'll autograph some part of your anatomy. Or if I'm feeling particularly expansive, buy you a Jones blue bubblegum soda.

Hope you enjoy it. The book, I mean, not the soda.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Pharoah's Marrow vs. Clarence Darrow

The best way to get good ideas is to have a lot of ideas. 

I keep notebooks. Writing everything down--good bad or indifferent--is the best way to sift decent story ideas from the garbage. And boy howdy, is there a lot of garbage. 

In the spirit of generous sharing, here are some horrible ideas culled from a decade's worth of notes. For historical accuracy I've retained all bad punctuation, unnecessary caps, unclear syntax, etc. 
  • Ferret in walls--albino and urine-stinking--grows to size of puppy and humps people in the night
  • Pen that attaches to your TEETH. Write with your TEETH. 
  • Very smart pigs get their revenge on the monotheisms
  • This one guy's spit doesn't foam anymore. Then his spittle turns blue, then purple, then red. 
  • The number seven-thousand can no longer be used for any reason. Becomes as unlucky as the number thirteen. WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES OF THIS DICTUM?
  • Pinky finger fused into palm--palm tree?
  • "My legs have turned into beards!" says awesomely stupid man
  • Jellyfish vs. teddy bears....Jellyfish use brooms 4 weapons...they only fear peanut butter and bread
  • Monster's head looks like a small tomato wearing sunglasses
  • "Pharoah's Marrow vs. Clarence Darrow"
  • Kid inadvertently kills a 2 1/2 inch tall man with his yo-yo. The other 2 1/2 inch men worship him as a god. Kid is only 8 years old. 
  • Guy uses art therapy. Finds out he's pathologically afraid of COWS

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

"My Tern Now Your Tern Later"

My favorite book is The Course of the Heart by M. John Harrison, but Riddley Walker is a close second. I'm re-reading it for the nth time and still finding new things. You should read it, too.